14. Seeing
6:05 pm, Sat, 4 May
The music stops. My phone buzzes.
I lift my head and I am lying beneath the tall tree outside the fence I climbed over. What happened? I wonder.
My phone buzzes again.
I look down, it's 6:05 pm.
Oh no! I'm late. What happened to the time?
There are two missed calls, one from Dana, another from dad.
A cold chill runs over me. A nauseating sense of déjà vu - two calls, just like last time. My mind is racing.
Dana must be worried sick about where I am. I'm two hours late. Why is dad calling? I can't think. Who should I call first? I decide to call dad.
Ring...ring
Ring...ring
Why is he not answering.
Time seems to slow down.
Ring...ring.
Please...
"Hello."
"Hello, dad," I reply, "what's happened?"
"Malo. Where have you been?"
"Why what's happened?" I ask desperately again.
"It's your mom," he says, his voice thick with emotion, "she's awake, it's a miracle. She's asking for you."
The news washes over me like a flood of joy. I feel the tears of relief welling up in my eyes. "Oh dad, I am so happy."
"Malo," he says, "Don't tell your mom, but I had just prayed 'Lord, forgive me, but I can't handle this stress anymore, I give up.' And almost immediately she opened her eyes." I immediately reach for my pocket and pull out two stones. The second one with the open window. "Thank you Lord," I sigh, "thank you."
Immediately I call Dana.
"Malo, where have you been?" she asks, "I have been worried sick."
"I'm sorry?" I reply. "It happened again. I met him. Mom's awake. I...I..." I begin to stammer as so many words clamber to come out.
"Malo," Dana says soothingly, "it's OK. Go and see your mom and we can chat when you get home."
I lift my head and I am lying beneath the tall tree outside the fence I climbed over. What happened? I wonder.
My phone buzzes again.
I look down, it's 6:05 pm.
Oh no! I'm late. What happened to the time?
There are two missed calls, one from Dana, another from dad.
A cold chill runs over me. A nauseating sense of déjà vu - two calls, just like last time. My mind is racing.
Dana must be worried sick about where I am. I'm two hours late. Why is dad calling? I can't think. Who should I call first? I decide to call dad.
Ring...ring
Ring...ring
Why is he not answering.
Time seems to slow down.
Ring...ring.
Please...
"Hello."
"Hello, dad," I reply, "what's happened?"
"Malo. Where have you been?"
"Why what's happened?" I ask desperately again.
"It's your mom," he says, his voice thick with emotion, "she's awake, it's a miracle. She's asking for you."
The news washes over me like a flood of joy. I feel the tears of relief welling up in my eyes. "Oh dad, I am so happy."
"Malo," he says, "Don't tell your mom, but I had just prayed 'Lord, forgive me, but I can't handle this stress anymore, I give up.' And almost immediately she opened her eyes." I immediately reach for my pocket and pull out two stones. The second one with the open window. "Thank you Lord," I sigh, "thank you."
Immediately I call Dana.
"Malo, where have you been?" she asks, "I have been worried sick."
"I'm sorry?" I reply. "It happened again. I met him. Mom's awake. I...I..." I begin to stammer as so many words clamber to come out.
"Malo," Dana says soothingly, "it's OK. Go and see your mom and we can chat when you get home."
6:38 pm, Sat, 4 May
"Mom, it's me Malo," I say as I gently place my hand on her arm as she lies sleeping in the hospital bed.
Her eyes flicker open, and a flood of joy sweeps over me as she looks at me and smiles weakly. She's alive. “Thank you Lord,” I silently pray, “thank you.”
"Mom, I'm sorry," I say, tears of relief streaming down my face, "I meant to call you, I really meant to. I've just been so self obsessed, so..." She holds my hand. "Malo, I love you," she says. "I understand."
"Mom, I don't think you understand," I reply, "I'm not sure that even I do. So much has happened. Something happened to me that has changed me. I lost my business, and then I met...you're not going to believe this, but it's true...I met Jesus."
She smiles weakly at me.
I race on, "I mean really met him. Spoke to him and everything. Mom...I am sure it was real, I, I...." I stammer.
"This is not real, Malo," mom says in a quiet voice. At first I think she is talking about my story, but then I see her indicating the room around her. "This is passing. The unseen..." She pauses for breath, the beeping monitors punctuating the silence.
Beep…Beep…Beep
She continues. "The unseen that is eternal, that is real."
She smiles, sighs and closes her eyes.
I sit there unmoving. Her hand in mine.
My mom. God's messenger.
Her eyes flicker open, and a flood of joy sweeps over me as she looks at me and smiles weakly. She's alive. “Thank you Lord,” I silently pray, “thank you.”
"Mom, I'm sorry," I say, tears of relief streaming down my face, "I meant to call you, I really meant to. I've just been so self obsessed, so..." She holds my hand. "Malo, I love you," she says. "I understand."
"Mom, I don't think you understand," I reply, "I'm not sure that even I do. So much has happened. Something happened to me that has changed me. I lost my business, and then I met...you're not going to believe this, but it's true...I met Jesus."
She smiles weakly at me.
I race on, "I mean really met him. Spoke to him and everything. Mom...I am sure it was real, I, I...." I stammer.
"This is not real, Malo," mom says in a quiet voice. At first I think she is talking about my story, but then I see her indicating the room around her. "This is passing. The unseen..." She pauses for breath, the beeping monitors punctuating the silence.
Beep…Beep…Beep
She continues. "The unseen that is eternal, that is real."
She smiles, sighs and closes her eyes.
I sit there unmoving. Her hand in mine.
My mom. God's messenger.
8:11 pm, Sat, 4 May
Finally I arrive home. I fly through the door and straight into Dana's arms. "I was so worried," Dana says after a few moments.” I searched everywhere for you. You had vanished. I called dad, I called home, I called everyone I could think of. I even called Randle."
"I'm sorry Dana, I'm not even sure what to say. I'm worried you will think I'm crazy. But I met him again. Soon after I left you."
I then share everything that happened to me, finally reaching into my pocket to show her the new stone. A handful of stones comes out my pocket. I'm confused for a moment, and then remember I'd bought stones for Dana at the park.
"Oh, yes. These are for you," I say handing her the stones I'd purchased. "But this is what Yesh gave me," I say, holding up a small white stone with a mark on it.
She looks at the stone I'm holding. She looks at the stones in her hand. Finally she looks back at me. "Malo, there are so many things happening in our lives that are confusing. So many things stressing us. So many things going wrong."
I can see where this is going. She wants me to get counseling again.
"Dana..." I begin but she holds up her hand to silence me, and I bite off my words. "Yet despite all this, Malo, one thing I know, one thing I am certain of, and that is that God is working in everything. We don't need explanations. We don't need understanding. We just need acceptance."
I look at her. She is so beautiful. More beautiful than the day I first saw her. But now her beauty comes from somewhere else. Maybe it was always there but I am only seeing it now. Only now am I seeing the reality.
"I'm sorry Dana, I'm not even sure what to say. I'm worried you will think I'm crazy. But I met him again. Soon after I left you."
I then share everything that happened to me, finally reaching into my pocket to show her the new stone. A handful of stones comes out my pocket. I'm confused for a moment, and then remember I'd bought stones for Dana at the park.
"Oh, yes. These are for you," I say handing her the stones I'd purchased. "But this is what Yesh gave me," I say, holding up a small white stone with a mark on it.
She looks at the stone I'm holding. She looks at the stones in her hand. Finally she looks back at me. "Malo, there are so many things happening in our lives that are confusing. So many things stressing us. So many things going wrong."
I can see where this is going. She wants me to get counseling again.
"Dana..." I begin but she holds up her hand to silence me, and I bite off my words. "Yet despite all this, Malo, one thing I know, one thing I am certain of, and that is that God is working in everything. We don't need explanations. We don't need understanding. We just need acceptance."
I look at her. She is so beautiful. More beautiful than the day I first saw her. But now her beauty comes from somewhere else. Maybe it was always there but I am only seeing it now. Only now am I seeing the reality.